This week, the verdict in one of the most high-profile sexual assault cases in Canadian sports history, the Hockey Canada Junior Hockey sexual assault trial, has been released.
No matter the outcome, many of us are asking: What now?
We might be weary preparing for know what happens next, like a horror show bingo card. There will be media takes declaring the “death” of #metoo, despite its founder, Tarana Burke’s, steady reminder that Me Too is a movement, not a moment. There will be misinformation plastered across social media, echoed in comment sections, and dropped casually into family group chats. Each will land heavy that it feels like a knife in your stomach whenever a notification pops up on your phone.
If you are a survivor you might feel the weight of the verdict squashing you wondering if anyone is safe with your story. We ask so much of survivors. Disclose. Report. Testify. Be Strong.
As if bravery is something they owe us.
In the past you might have twisted our hands in anger, heartbreak, or fear. But what if we stretched them out to each other and flipped the script? What if being brave wasn’t just something survivors are expected to do? What if being BRAVE was something we practiced together by learning how to respond when someone discloses they have been subjected to sexual assault or harassment?
Begin by listening. When someone tells you they’ve been subjected to harm, your first job is to listen, not to investigate, not to fix. Listen.
• Set aside distractions. Make space.
• Don’t press for details. Follow their lead.
• Let your body language say: I’m here. I’m with you.
You might feel unsure or overwhelmed. That’s okay and perfectly normal. Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. This moment is about them, not you. You will make time for self-care after the conversation.
R:
Respect confidentiality. What someone shares with you is theirs. It is not yours to post, whisper about, or use to prove a point.
• Never share someone’s story without explicit permission.
• If a child is in danger or there’s an immediate risk, follow legal and safety protocols.
• Otherwise, remember: survivors get to choose if, when, and how they share their story.
A:
Ask what support looks like for them. Too often, we assume what people need. We jump to action before asking a simple, powerful question: What does support look like for you?
• Do they want help finding resources?
• Do they just need someone to sit with them?
• Do they want to laugh, cry, play video games, or watch a favourite show?
Let them define care and justice. Your role is to honour their needs, not decide for them.
V:
Validate Survivors are often met with doubt, shame, and silence. You can interrupt that by showing that you believe in, care for, and honour them. Some ways to express this can be:
• It wasn’t your fault.
• You are not alone.
• Your feelings are valid.
Affirm them, remind them that they have support, including you.
E:
Empathize. Your role is to have compassion for the person sharing with you and yourself. Bearing witness to harm has impacts. Being gentle with yourself is a vital part of providing good support.
• It is normal to have feelings after hearing a disclosure.
• Reach out for confidential support through a sexual assault centre or community organization.
• Make your self-care plan.
Being brave isn’t a one-time action; it’s a practice of choosing to show up for each other out loud.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
